I Am Sorry

Hello there. It's been months since my last post and here I am pressing the keyboards of my laptop again just to calm myself down. For your information, I'm at home now currently 4 days away to new semester of my study so yeah wish me luck!

Anyway, the reason I'm writing this is because I was supposed to meet with my BFF today, since we haven't meet for a very long time plus my mission for this semester break is to meet HER. But something came up, so we couldn't meet. Worry not , I've given her birthday presents, so I'm kind of left with the Seoul Garden treat.

I don't know when we will be able to meet after this. We've grown apart of each other so it's kind of complicated to set the date to meet up and have fun. when I'm back in my hometown, she's somewhere out of the state.

The thing is, I just wanna say that I am sorry, to her, for not able to celebrate her birthday, only wishing through phone, for not watching the videos that make her laugh, for not being able to see new places with her, for not being able to join her watching her oppas, for never calling her when I promised to call everyday or contact her everyday, for not telling her how my day is today, tomorrow, or yesterday, for not telling her if I like someone, for not being able to calm her down when she wake up in the middle of night because of nightmares, for never knowing when she is sad, or when she is happy for never being able to be there for her, for not be by her side when things go awry, for not listening to her worries or complaints, for never be there for her as her best friend, sister, her tiny dream, her best, her star.

Yes, her star.

What I haven't done yet

Assalamualaikum and good evening to whoever that is reading this post. Nothing much to post anyway. I just feel like posting something.  

After few months past since I had my break before entering uni life, just now one thought crossed my mind. 

what am I doing with my life? am I living it the way I want it to be?

Yes, these past few months, it was kind of blurry actually. Instead of filling my free time with useful things, I just munch on food and bought pretty much non-essential stuffs online. Well, I did go for a short getaway with my friends and do other things too such as volunteering and fasting. But then again, to think about it, I have not meet up with one of my special friends, the one and only special friend though lol

How funny isn't it? To be in the same state yet still not meet with each other, because apparently I am always 'vehicle unavailable' to go to the city. (Note that I live in the countryside or whatever you call it) oh and yes this post is about her since I suddenly remembered of her, i mean our memories yeah silly me

I did chat with her last week. I am planning to give her birthday present (i am 2 presents left behind) before I go into uni mood/life. I do not know what to give to her since she gave me a HUGE white cute teddy bear for my birthday last year and I guess it is expensive. I bet it is. And in order to thank her, (plus, i got the teddy bear as an early birthday  present) i need to give something expensive too. If I don't then I am not a good friend because I only give her shabby presents since we know each other back in 2011. And, also the reason why I have not give her anything yet up till now ugh i hate myself

I promised her I will treat her to Seoul Garden but I still cannot fulfill that wish yet. Wut am I doin?  

these few years, we have gone through a lot of ups and downs, and we were not always there for each other, plus we are not living in the same university or college that adds up to the tension. It is not the bond that we had back then in 2011/2012 when we webcam each other at midnight (i still find myself lol at the thought of that) it is different now. i guess we are growing apart and the fact that I no longer have the same interest as her (ref: infinite) does not help much either. I don't know how to fix this gap between us, or maybe I am the only one who think there is a gap because I can be silly at times. silly, that's what she always call me, she also calls me Cucurbita Pepo/pumpkin idk why lol. god i miss her very much and i want to meet her and hug her for a long time and surprise her 

let's just hope I can at least give her the birthday presents she deserve 

hugs and kisses from far, 
silly me 

p/s: and some beautiful flowers from tumblr, just like you :)

A lesson a day keeps the bad away

I wonder when will some people realise that several things wont go the way the want to. For instance, people wont change their attitude just for the sake of pleasing you. And you cant expect people to be happy all the time just because you yourself are happy. And the fact that they are in grief or sadness or maybe they are astoundingly sad and in bad mood at that particular time, please do know. You'll hurt them more for most of fragile people when you are happily, not knowing their sadness. Give time for them to be in sadness, so that they know when the happy time is. Back to my main point, some people are so ignorant that they do not what they are doing is hurting some other people. Clearly, no doubt at all, when you hurt people, you apologise, but I get it if you are not aware of that. I have so much more to say, but I'll keep it till here for now. Stay strong, dear self. Xoxo